Scare Myself Silly…

With so much stress resulting from the home purchase (having to be on top of the mortgage officer and seller’s real estate agent), uncertainties associated with the home purchase (I cannot reserve freight elevators or movers until we receive the go ahead from the mortgage everything will close on time), the impending move, etc. I find myself with so little energy. I want to spend the weekends in bed, just watching television.

This also means my motivation to work at my second job is nonexistent. I really can’t help it — I can’t focus and I would rather just spend my time packing. It doesn’t help that the money earned from this won’t be that great — we are talking not even $1000 a month. I think about the money I could earn but then think that would be awash after the errands I wouldn’t be able to run, foods I will end up buying out, etc. It is difficult for me, as is, to coupon. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I am also juggling a part time job. I am also wondering if it is time better spent to redirect it to my current job, to kick ass and to receive a promotion and/or bonus.

This is probably the reason why started the training at what I believe is the same company but did not end up teaching with them.

I have tried to scare myself silly. Tried to wonder what would happen if I lost my job now, how would I pay for the brand spanking new mortgage until I got another job? Then having this second job will really help! But honestly, it’s not working. The job pays too little for me to be able to live off of that and the unemployment checks. Also,  I trust my boss to give me some notice if my work quality is lagging behind or if the company is anticipating lay offs.

I am still going to review the materials tonight to see if I will actually do the first teaching session on Saturday. But right now? I am not convinced.

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