Giving My 100%

I don’t clearly recall when it started, but one day in my adolescence things just started to feel more and more difficult. It wasn’t necessarily that the task at hand was any tougher than before but I felt like something in me had changed. All of a sudden, all tasks would take more energy than it ever should. I could spend a week in bed without ever leaving the house or seeing another soul and that seemed like a better option for me than going out and interacting with my friends and family. The depression only worsened over the years. I would still force myself to leave for work every day but I would slowly let everything I can possible let go go. Doing my hair, wearing make up, keeping my projects organized…  I would do the bare minimum because that is honestly all the energy I had. 

It has been especially difficult over the last few years because my job requires me to constantly interact with folks. I am not just attending meetings but I am leading the meetings. I have been so tired after my 9 to 5 (which is honestly more like 7 to 6), all I really do at home is eat and then go to bed. Whenever I see people my age being able to balance their careers, social life, hobbies, and personal lives, I become envious. Only if I had as much energy! I would imagine what my career would look like, how my finances would be all in order, my house would be already decorated… 

After spinning my wheels for so long, having tried and given up on so many antidepressants, I am on a new medication. Although it is giving me a little too much energy that keeps me up at night, I feel different. I am able to focus, not wince when people come up to my office unannounced, and I am able to feel like I am on top of my tasks. I am hopeful that maybe this medication will allow me to give my 100% to living life, that I will be finally able to live the life I want. 

What does this have to do with personal finance? I guess just that I can see my goals clearer now and I am hoping this new found clarity will help me stay motivated and achieve my goals. 

I am so excited for 2013! 


3 responses to “Giving My 100%

  1. It sounds like you are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m happy for you that this medication is working better for you. I think the most important thing is that you recognize that there is an issue that is out of your control.

  2. Hi Caitlin, is there an email address I can contact you on?


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